Because none of you know me…

I need to vent briefly.

I’m moving off to my grown-up job soon, now that I have a degree that certifies me to become a bona fide tax payer (hey I worked all through college, no hate), which requires an ungodly amount of sorting through old sentimental stuff…the biggest of these: my journals written during my previous relationship…the darkest period of my life by far, and will not likely be topped…ever. I wrote in 3 subject notebooks and filled three of them in roughly 2 years. I wrote almost everyday, and I was reading through some of the ‘entries’ today…gut wrenching. It was awful. Not like embarrassing, but hellish, wouldn’t wish that on your worst enemy, kind of terrible. I feel like I’ve been through a war. I threw away all the pictures of me and my ex (something I should’ve done years ago) and also, all my journals written during the time we were together. I cannot tell you what a huge step this is for me.

I feel sore, my soul aches, if that’s even possible. This is such a big deal for me. I know you’ll read this, roll your eyes and   tell yourself there are a million people out there with bigger problems, and you’ll be right, but today this was a small but incredibly significant victory for me. I’ve prayed for the strength to purge all memories of him from my life and I think I finally can. 

This move for me is more than just a job, it’s a reinventing…sloughing off the baggage that no one need ever know about, and starting fresh, clean, unblemished, in a new town, with new people…so happy.